He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
