SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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