Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
