I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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