So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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