Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
