Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
