You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
