Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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