By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
