you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
