Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
