This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
