I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
