we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
