good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Can I color on your dick again?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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