He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
