Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Randomize
