shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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