dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
North Korea, Best Korea!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
