He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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