fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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