Pappa wants mamma naked
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
