For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
