there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
