I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
