Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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