they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
