Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
