Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
