You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
His hands were made for my vagina.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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