Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
