well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
