I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm like, not good at living.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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