He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
