420 ftw
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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