do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
