You can't motorboat a personality
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
