It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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