i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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