ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
