I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
