I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she looked like the before picture.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
