i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
