I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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