I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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