Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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