remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
