I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
When are your genitals available?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
