Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
