Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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