Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
