i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
